It’s sort of crazy, as an institution. We all know this at some level. To pick one person and be with them for the rest of your level. To do that, in some cases (and as they did for generations) at an age when you barely understood yourself? Oh yeah, and then kids, that’s the truly mind-blowing part of partnership…where two people literally replicate each other in the form of a baby.
So how do you make it work? How does a marriage survive the insane pressures of life and careers and kids? What’s a secret for surviving and enduring and hopefully thriving?
“My friend Brent has a theory about marriage,” Morgan Housel writes in his wonderful book Same As Ever (we have copies at The Painted Porch!). “It only works when both people want to help their spouse while expecting nothing in return. If you both do that, you’ll both be pleasantly surprised.”
That’s not easy but it’s a wonderful way to think about it. It’s also not a bad strategy for raising kids, as we’ve talked about. We’re the giving tree. That’s what love is, to give, to provide, to be there for someone. Does it give a lot back in return? Absolutely. But you’ll be happier, less prone to conflict, the less you ask for in return. Lose yourself in the giving and the doing and the helping.
Then be pleasantly surprised by all that comes back your way.