You want to keep them safe. You want to help them. You want to look out for them. So you say or scream or text:
“Be careful!”
But you know what you’re really doing?
You’re planting a voice in their head—a voice of nervousness, worry, and anxiety. It’s a voice that holds them back from taking risks and trying new things. A voice that pushes them toward the safe and easy path.
We’ve talked about how we must be careful of the implications of the words we throw around. We must consider how our kids interpret them. We’ve discussed why they need to do difficult and dangerous things. Luctor et emergo—we must let them struggle and emerge (we have a cool challenge coin as a reminder for parents).
There are better ways to express our concerns. We can say, “Notice how slippery the driveway is.” Or, “Try taking little steps first.” We can ask, “Does that branch seem sturdy?” Or, “Do you feel how hot it is this close to the fire?” Or, “If you reach the top of the tree, what’s your plan for getting down?” And we can apply this same approach when they want to drop out of college.
Instead of teaching caution, teach awareness. Instead of avoiding challenges, teach problem-solving. Show them how to take chances, recover from falls, and learn from experiences—to live.
P.S. Letting our kids struggle and face challenges isn’t always easy—for us or them. That’s why we created our Luctor et Emergo medallion as a daily reminder to step back and give our children the confidence and courage to grow through their challenges.
