It was a dream. His father had been dead for many years. But in 1947, Winston Churchill imagined that his father’s ghost had returned to visit him. Churchill was then one of the most famous men in the world. He had saved his country. He had beaten the odds.

So what did his father’s ghost say to him? Surely, something like, “I always knew you’d do great things.” Maybe something like, “I’m so excited to hear about how your life has gone.” Or even just a simple, “I love you.”

Instead, in Churchill’s short story about the ethereal encounter, his father—who Churchill charmingly calls “Papa!” despite being 71 years old—asks the son what he’s doing. I’m in my studio painting, Churchill tells him (in fact, he’s painting a portrait of his dad). “I should have never thought it,” his father replies. “I only do it for amusement,” Churchill says, the great man still insecure in front of his commanding Papa. “Yes,” his father replies dismissively, “I am sure you could never earn your living that way.”

“There was a pause,” Churchill writes. Of course there was! He was wincing from the blow! Who knew a ghost could be passive aggressive! Back from the dead, his father had gone immediately into diminishing his son.

Ugh.

In The Daily Dad (new leatherbound edition here), we talk about not being a “minimizer”—about not doing precisely that. Because our job is to build our kids up, to believe in them, to encourage them. It is definitely not to undermine, to poke, to sarcastically dismiss. They don’t need our cynicism. They need our affection, our belief, our interest.

Churchill became a great man even without his father’s support. He also became a very successful painter too! (One painting just sold a couple years ago for almost $11M.) The only thing Randolph gets credit for is his son’s depression…and for Churchill’s struggles with his own son.

Let’s make sure we’re the kind of parent who lifts our children up, whose love and support they’ll remember as a guiding light—and not a haunting presence.

P.S. Winston Churchill left a complicated legacy in his own family, as detailed in the riveting book Churchill & Son, which explores Winston’s complex relationship with his only son Randolph. We have copies available at the Painted Porch.

The Daily Dad book is also full of meditations and practical wisdom (Churchill is featured in the entries for March 25, July 31, August 19, and more) on how you can make sure your legacy is a positive one that resonates for generations through your family.

You can get signed copies here or grab our new leatherbound edition over at the Daily Dad Store today!