We don’t want them to get in trouble. We don’t want them to get in over their heads. We don’t want them throwing their lives away. We also don’t want to be embarrassed. We don’t want to look like bad parents.
Imagine you were the former President of the United States. You run an important non-profit that engages in international work. You have personal relationships with leaders and public figures all over the world—relationships that are sensitive and need to be maintained. Maybe you’ll even run for office again some day. And then suddenly your daughter starts getting arrested. Worse, in one case, she gets arrested for disorderly conduct and trespassing in a protest explicitly aimed at your successor.
Well, that was the position Jimmy Carter found himself in when his daughter, Amy, then a college student, got arrested for protesting Apartheid and against the C.I.A’s work in Nicaragua.
Carter could have tried to distance himself. He could have gotten angry at his daughter. Instead, he supported her—and almost certainly told her in private that he wished he had been more involved in the Civil Rights movement since that was one of his most profound regrets.
“Amy is a very shy girl, contrary to the image you see projected in the news media,” Carter told reporters. “But she believes very strongly in what she’s doing.”
We don’t have to believe everything our kids believe, but we do have to support them when they believe strongly in something. We have to back them up when they’re attacked. We have to let them know that our love for them trumps any consequences their beliefs might spring back on us.
That’s what being a parent is about—loving our kids unconditionally, even when their convictions differ from our own. Because in the end, we want to raise children who stand up for what they believe in, who have the courage to fight for justice, and who know that their parents will always have their backs.
P.S. In the August 19 entry of the Daily Dad book (new leatherbound here), we share what Winston Churchill did when a politician questioned his son’s war record in Parliament, then tried to shake Winston’s hand afterwards. “Do not speak to me,” Winston told the man coldly. “You called my son a coward.”
Always being a fan of our children and always having their backs like this is exactly what we celebrate throughout the month of August in The Daily Dad.
Head here to grab a copy and explore more stories and wisdom about being there for your kids today!
