It seems like it’s really important to you. That the door not be slammed. That the chores be done a certain way. That everything be put away immediately. That feet go on the ground, not the furniture.
It seems really, really important, at least by the amount of time you spend talking and arguing and making a big deal out of it. From some people’s view (that is, your children’s), this thing is more important to you than your relationship.
But the truth is, you don’t actually care about the things themselves. You don’t. If you had to choose between your kids having fond memories and clean walls, you’d choose your kids having fun. If you had to choose between slightly lower grades and better self-worth, you’d choose their self-worth. If you had to choose between just about anything and your kids safety, happiness, and self-image, you’d never choose that other stuff.
Yet here you are, arguing about it again. Choosing to die on some stupid hill. Choosing to protect a piece of sheetrock…that, admit it, you don’t actually care about. What you really care about—what these rules actually represent—is obedience and control. What you’re really worried about, hence the fixation, is the deeply-seated anxiety that you might be screwing them up.
Let this stuff go. Breathe. Seriously, just let it go. Embrace the mandala, as we’ve talked about. See how long you can go without fighting, and just being with them.
Do it. You won’t regret it.