We’ve all heard of them. We’ve all met them. They’re the parents whose kids take SAT prep in middle school, who’ve played cello since age five, and who pad their college resumes with community service and extracurriculars.

These parents can shake our confidence and make us question our choices. Sometimes, they even tempt us to join their frenzied race.

But should we? The great Paul Graham, the investor behind Airbnb, Stripe, Dropbox, Doordash, and countless others, thinks not:

“Tiger parents, as parents so often do, are fighting the last war. Grades mattered more in the old days when the route to success was to acquire credentials while ascending some predefined ladder. But it’s just as well that their tactics are focused on grades. How awful it would be if they invaded the territory of projects, and thereby gave their kids a distaste for this kind of work by forcing them to do it. Grades are already a grim, fake world, and aren’t harmed much by parental interference, but working on one’s own projects is a more delicate, private thing that could be damaged very easily.”

Why focus on arbitrary games and credential-chasing—which won’t lead to the same success as it once did—when you could help your children develop real, useful skills? Instead of pushing them toward contrived hobbies to impress college admissions officers, why not help them discover and master what truly excites them?

The parents who push their children into these meaningless competitions aren’t just fighting the wrong war—they’re fighting it for the wrong reasons: their own ego. In doing so, they extinguish their children’s inner spark—a spark that could have fueled something meaningful. Something they truly love.