They’re embarrassed of you. They don’t want you to talk to them in front of their friends. They don’t want to be seen going in with you. They ignore you. They’d rather look at their phone than have a conversation with you.

This is what kids do. This is what teenagers do.

The comedian Paul Scheer recently made a heartwarming little documentary where he interviewed parents waiting for their daughters outside a Taylor Swift concert. In one scene, a mom says:

I think everybody knows most 16-year-old girls don’t want to hang out with their parents, but [our daughter is] very happy to be with us today and on this trip. So we got a little bonding out of this. Tomorrow, she’ll pretend she doesn’t know us again, but tonight, she’s our best friend.

Look for those things that would make them happy to be with you—and use them as an excuse to spend time together. Maybe your kid also likes Taylor Swift. Maybe your kid likes metal. Maybe they like ballet or anime or monster trucks. Whatever it is, get into it to be with them.

You’ll also be showing them that you care. That you’re interested in what they enjoy. You’ll be asking them questions, learning how they like to spend their time, maybe even making plans together—and in the process, getting closer.