Sometimes our kids are just like us. They look like us. They talk like us. They like the same things as us. They do the same little gestures with their hands.
And then sometimes, we wonder if these kids are related to us at all. Maybe they’re extremely athletic and we’re not. Or it’s the opposite—the nerdy parents have a natural basketball player in the house. The activist parent raises an ambitious entrepreneur. The introvert brings home an extrovert.
It can be baffling and difficult. It can cause tension and misunderstanding. This must have been how Benjamin Franklin and his father were, as H.W Brands writes in his biography of Franklin, The First American. The two never quite got along, and indeed, many of their arguments stemmed from “the simple fact that he was more gifted and ambitious than Josiah; on many occasions he must have wondered—not literally, but emotionally—whether he was really his father’s son.”
Just as Franklin couldn’t change who he was, his father could not have either. But you know what his father could have done? His father could have done a better job not making his son feel like a weirdo. Especially when he knew that his own brother was so similar. Brand details the incredible scene of Franklin visiting his ancestors in Ecton, a small village in Northamptonshire, England, and discovering that his uncle was an inventor and innovator, a savvy businessman, an amateur scientist, a homespun, local politician. Suddenly it all fell into place, Brand writes, “whether or not his father’s son, he was his uncle’s nephew.” And as it turns out, Franklin was born four years to the day of his uncle’s death. It was like he was the second coming and the spitting image. Finally, Franklin felt like he fit. Finally, he felt like he belonged somewhere.
The point is: Sometimes our kids are exactly like us and that’s wonderful. Sometimes they’re not like us at all, but they are exactly like someone else. It’s our job to help them find those people, find those examples, and help your kids feel seen and understood. That they’re not weird or a misfit. They are them. And that you’re going to help them become the best version of that possible.
P.S. Help them find their people, we say in the June 17 entry in the Daily Dad, in which we share the story of how the writer Michael Chabon helped his son find his people in the fashion world. In fact, the whole month of June is full of practical advice and wisdom about helping your children become who they are, especially when they happen to be a little different from you. Grab a copy and learn how you can provide the structure and support to help your kids discover who they are today!