Several weeks ago, we talked about that type of parent that we all have to avoid being. The mercurial, stern, withdrawn parent. The one whose presence looms large over a family, the one who haunts a child’s psyche even years later, after they’ve grown up.

It was so perfectly captured in Whitman’s poem, who writing about his father and indeed so many parents, spoke of:

“The father, strong, self-sufficient, manly, mean, anger’d, unjust

The blow, the quick loud word, the tight bargain, the crafty lure.”

In just a handful of words, he was describing all the traits we should not want to be, what we should not want our kids to say about us. Well, if we can agree on that, might it be helpful to try to articulate the converse? Like what kind of verse might we want them to say about us if we got things right?

Here’s Whitman describing a mother, which is a little better (although obviously a product of its time):

The mother at home quietly placing the dishes on the supper-table,

The mother with mild words … clean her cap and gown … a wholesome odor falling off her person and clothes as she walks by

It’s presumptuous to try to add on to Whitman but for our own edification, might we go back to that first verse and replace some of the words and create a model to aspire to?

“The father, strong, self-sufficient, kind, funny, thoughtful, fair

The offered hand, the word of encouragement, generosity, the creative mind.”

That’s just one stab. You should not only take your own, you should write it down and put it up somewhere and try to live it.

P.S. “Thou Shall Teach By Example” is the 1st Commandment in The Stoic Parent: 10 Commandments For Becoming A Better Parent. If you want to take your parenting to the next level, or just looking to set a better example as a parent, The Stoic Parent course is 10 days of the most important things that you can do to become the best parent you can be. Sign up today at the Daily Stoic Store!