When people come over, it should be obvious. When your older parents come to visit they should be a little appalled. When you have to take a picture inside your house, you should have to move some stuff around in order to do it. When someone goes to sit in the back seat of your car, you should have to say, “Hang on a second, let me clean some of this up.”

Because you have kids. Because kids are messy.

As we’ve said before, your house, your car, your life is supposed to reflect that.

It would be weird if it didn’t.

If your parents—from an older generation when kids were seen and not heard—are not a little miffed, you’re not making enough progress. If your car or your living room are spotless, it means you’re being strict—and unreasonable—with your kids (and yourself). It means you’re prioritizing the wrong stuff. It means your house is not truly a home.

Because in a home, kids should be able to relax. They should be able to be kids. They should be seen and heard and felt, whether they’re home or not. They should be able to be maniacs…because that’s what kids are. And you, as a well-regulated mature adult, should be able to handle this. Better yet, you should be able to embrace it and love it.

It won’t be this way forever.