You thought you’d get a successor—to your business, to your calling. You assumed they would be an athlete…or at the very least, a sports fan. You dreamed of sharing books or movies together. You imagined traveling through the outdoors and all around the world.
But your daughter is dyslexic and your son can’t stand football. They are not inclined to follow in your footsteps at work. They do not share your tastes for art or adventure. They will not carry the family name into public office or worldwide fame.
Good.
Yeah, good. You both dodged a bullet. Because if they’d been more like you, you might have had an easier time fooling yourself—fooling yourself that they were an extension of you, that you had a say in who and what they did with their time and their life.
One of the big themes—perhaps the most important lesson actually—in The Daily Dad book (grab the new leatherbound edition here) is this: Our job as parents is to not to make our kids what we want them to be but to help them become who they are. We tell the story of an NBA player who didn’t dodge the bullet you dodged, his son was gifted and loved the game. And you know what this father ended up doing? He basically blew it—driving his son so hard that he nearly ruined their relationship and his son’s passion for the game.
We got lucky that our kids are so distinctly themselves this early. It makes it undeniable to us that they are their own people. It reminds us of what our actual responsibility and task is here, which is to help them discover what that means, to help them take it as far as they want to take it. Our job is to learn to like what they like—to connect with them over their interests and their talents and have our lives and our world enlarged as part of that.
If we embrace them as they are, if we celebrate their individuality, if we take joy in what they love instead of lamenting what they don’t—then we don’t just raise happy, confident kids. In the process, we become better, fuller people ourselves. And isn’t that the real gift? Isn’t that the real legacy? Because if we had a pick, we wouldn’t choose a dynasty, or a shared career or hobby. No, we’d choose for a deep, unshakeable connection between parent and child, one built on love, respect, and acceptance.
P.S. In the July 19 entry of the Daily Dad Book (new leatherbound here), we share the much better lesson about playing the game of basketball that the legendary John Wooden—one of the winningest coaches in college history—learned from his father.
“Don’t try to be better than somebody else,” Wooden’s father said, “but never cease trying to be the best you can be.”
For more lessons and stories about how to encourage your kids to stop worrying about being the best and instead just be their best, grab a copy of the Daily Dad book today!
