Many of us remember from our own childhood just how absent our parents were. They were working. We were at daycare. Or we were latchkey kids. Or they got up and left us, leaving us to be raised by a single parent or a relative. Or perhaps we remember that even when they were home, how little interest they actually had in us, how little time they had for us.

Not that long ago, much of this was not just common practice but widely accepted. There was a very sad exchange between Churchill and his son, after they had just spent a long evening chatting—in fact, we tell it in the introduction to The Daily Dad book (leather edition here). “You know, my dear boy,” Winston said, “I think I have talked to you more in these holidays than my father talked to me in the whole of his life.” (Grab the riveting book Churchill & Son for more on Winston’s complex relationship with his only son Randolph.) So the fact that on average, this generation spends much more time with their kids than previous generations—in some cases, working parents spending more time with their kids than stay-at-home parent homes just a few years ago—is wonderful news.

But as we’ve said before, just physically being there is not what it’s about. Just putting in the time is not enough. You have to put you in the time. Like you have to actually be present, you have to enter their world, you have to give them your full attention.

Because kids can tell. They know when you’re checked out. They know when you’re pretending to listen. They feel when your body is in the room but your mind is on your phone, on your work, on something else entirely. Presence is not proximity—it’s connection. It’s the difference between looking at your kid and truly seeing them.

So don’t just be there—be there. Because one day, what they’ll remember isn’t that you were around … it’s that you really showed up.