Sure, everything in your home could be spotless. Everything could be nicely maintained, regularly cleaned, and so well-organized that clutter never sees the light of day.
But given everything you have on your plate right now, given everything you have to get right when you have kids, is that really what’s important? Or is what really matters how your home feels? Do your kids feel comfortable there? Do they feel safe? Do they feel like their home belongs to them?
Some of us grew up with parents who wanted everything just so. Maybe you weren’t allowed to put posters up because it meant holes in the wall. Maybe your house had a formal living room and a family room, and you could only use one or the other. Why? Were your parents actually hosting formal events? The result was that things were nice…and that we couldn’t feel comfortable enough to be ourselves—to just be kids—in our own homes.
In a New York Times piece we talked about recently, the writer purchases a fancy sofa that to her, feels like success. But after the expensive sofa breaks under her family’s shared weight, she resorts to buying an ugly, cheaper and much more comfortable one from Costco.
Suddenly, the family was enjoying spending time on the couch together again. They could eat messy food and binge their favorite shows. They didn’t have to worry about stains or pet scratches. One morning, the writer finds her daughter and two friends comfortably sprawled out on the huge couch, asleep and tangled in blankets. It was a beautiful sight.
That right there—the life that started happening on that ugly couch—that is the look you should be going for. If your kids are comfortable enough not to worry about life’s little messes or ruining some fancy piece of furniture in their own home, comfortable enough to enjoy themselves and be themselves, that is parenting success.
Remember that real parenthood, real family life, isn’t the curated illusion on your Instagram feed. It’s not pristine homes, it’s not spotless designer furniture, and it’s definitely not easy.
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