We’ve talked before of the crossfire hurricane that is becoming a father. When you first become a parent, your whole life gets turned upside down. As you scramble to manage and handle all the things now on your plate, you sometimes say to yourself: When they’re a little older, this will calm down. As soon as we get through [whatever phase], everything will go back to normal.

It’s this delusion—this lie, really—that we use to explain all the things we’re putting off. I’ll start going to the gym once they’re out of this sleep regression. I’ll start eating better once they’re less picky about food. I’ll read when we go on vacation and they’re playing with their friends. My wife and I will get our relationship back on track once they’re in school more or out of the house for good.

It was Seneca who said that the one thing fools are always doing is “getting ready to live.” One thing far too many parents have in common is that they are always putting off taking care of themselves. This may come from a good place, but the results are good for no one.

You have to take care of yourself. You think your terrible eating habits aren’t contributing to your temper? Of course you’re grouchy—you feel like crap! You think you’re doing your kids a favor by shortening your lifespan? You think you’re being a good example to them when you’re struggling to get up the stairs or pick up a bag of groceries? You think you’re making them feel safe and loved by letting your relationship bleed out on the dining room table?

You have to take care of yourself. For them. For you. Because you’ll be a better parent if you’re healthy, happy, and wise. Don’t put this off. It’s not selfish. It’s essential.