“I do it all for them,” we say. We tell ourselves that’s why we’re getting on the plane, that’s why we’re spending another long night at the office, why we’re taking that big risk, why we’re starting that next venture.

It’s for them, we’re doing it all for our family…those people we rarely see.

It’s a good motivation to be sure, and it’s also a very flattering one. It’s ironically, a rather self-serving one too. Because by dressing our actions up in selflessness, we don’t actually end up thinking much about anyone but ourselves.

Because if we really thought about it, we’d have to ask: Is this actually what my wife and son and daughter want–more money? Is that really what they wake up and feel like they’re missing–financial security? Or are they missing us? You say this is for them but in reality, they don’t like what this has turned you into. You’re always stressed, you’re always gone, you act like you’re saving the world, but you’re selling insurance…

It doesn’t matter if you’re a billionaire on your third venture, or a struggling artist after their big break–what your family wants is you. Of course, they also want you to be fulfilled, they want to be provided for, they want to see you strive and succeed (and the world may well be better off if you do), but they also want you. In fact, of all the things they want, that’s the only one they truly need. You.

So if you’re going to sacrifice or take risks or get on a plane, do it to come home. Do everything to be there for them. Not later, not after, but now.