It’s getting better but there are still so many stereotypes: This is what a mother should be like. These are the things a father does—these are the things fathers ‘shouldn’t’ do.
There is so much judgment. So many antiquated notions. And you know what you can do about them? You can not pay them any mind.
Because your job is to be and do what your kids demand—what your specific family needs—and not care what anyone else thinks. That’s what the best parents do. As David Herbert Donald writes in his epic biography of Lincoln,
When Lincoln could, he helped with the baby-sitting for the two little boys—a practice so unusual that Springfield gossips called him “hen pecked.” Perhaps he felt an obligation to take over because Mary was overworked and often not well; possibly the recent death of his father caused him to reflect on how much he had needed a nurturing parent when he was a boy.
Friends said he was ‘wife whipt.’ Perhaps family members looked askance at how Lincoln parented or even the American public judged how the parent-in-chief did things—his law partner William Herndon often complained that Lincoln brought his “brats” to the office—but he paid this no mind. Because it’s not possible for a parent to ‘babysit’ their own kids. Because there is nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to loving your family or spending time with them.
So if they want to call you names and judge you for that? Let them. Don’t waste the time and attention you could be giving to your kids instead.
—This newsletter is brought to you by BetterHelp.
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