We spend so much time at the office, trying to get better at our jobs, trying to make a little more money, trying to climb further up the ladder. We spend hours in the gym over the course of our lives, trying to get into better shape, trying to hit personal records. We spend mountains of time online, trying to help our fantasy football teams, trying to find discount codes to save money shopping, trying to stay informed (or so we tell ourselves).
Some of this is good, of course, but it calls to mind a certain question about our priorities, doesn’t it?
“A better wrestler?,” Marcus wrote in Meditations. “But not a better citizen, a better person, a better resource in tight places, a better forgiver of faults?” We spend a lot of time on superficial stuff—we even call it “work”—but rarely do we expend the same amount of effort on the stuff that truly matters. In fact, even Marcus’s quote demonstrates this.
Notice that he doesn’t say anything about being a better parent—and this was a guy who had a dozen kids! Who, if we look at the reign and misdeeds of his son Commodus, who inherited his throne, could have stood to be a better father for the benefit not just of his son, but for all the people of Rome who suffered under Commodus. Marcus doesn’t say anything about being a better spouse either…and some of the rumors about his marriage point to him needing to do some work there, too.
Now, one could certainly argue that all of this domestic stuff is included under the banner of being a better person, but should it be? Why not make it a specific priority? Why not actually work on it for its own sake? Why not put the same energy you put towards following the news in an effort to be an informed citizen into following the research that will make you a more informed and effective parent?
Indeed, being a good parent and good partner isn’t simply a consequence of the work you put in to be a better person. They are correlated, certainly, but correlation isn’t causation, as they say. And we should always want our actions and choices to be the direct cause of our improvement in every arena of life, parenting most of all.
That’s what the Daily Dad is built around obviously (thank you for subscribing!). It’s what we built The Daily Dad book around, too (currently just $2.99 in ebook format!). It’s supposed to give you something to chew on each day, to try, to think about, to improve on as a parent. Because each of these things add up, and over the course of a year (and a life) you can become better.
We must do this, we must try to get better here, in this parenting thing—not just as part of becoming better people, but for the benefit of our kids and the world of which our kids will be a part long after we’re gone.
P.S. For a limited time, The Daily Dad ebook is on sale for $2.99! Because we designed it for readers to begin it at the start of a New Year, we share this special pricing to get you started. We’ve got this special offer on The Daily Stoic ebook as well (available for just $2.99 right now!)
It’s the perfect time to gift it to a fellow parent or get it for yourself in a format you can reference on-the-go. You can also grab or gift physical copies over at the Daily Stoic store, where you can have the book signed by Ryan Holiday.
