Every morning over at Daily Stoic, we reference at least one of the great Stoics of history: Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Zeno, Cleanthes, Chrysippus.
What did all those people have in common? They were all men. But is that somehow representative of what it means to be a Stoic?
Far from it.
Ahead of Mother’s Day this weekend, let us rectify this by looking at the woman who raised one of the great figures in all of history—and got very little credit for it.
In Book 1 of Meditations, “Debts and Lessons,” Marcus Aurelius writes about his mother, Domitia Lucilla. He thanks her for “her reverence for the divine, her generosity, her inability not only to do wrong but even to conceive of doing it. And the simple way she lived—not in the least like the rich.”
One of Marcus’ biographers confirms that Domitia Lucilla was positively unusual. Imperial Romans, we’re told, “were not notable for their self-denial; they also believed in conspicuous consumption and, by living [simply] while possessing such a great fortune, Domitia Lucilla was in effect distancing herself from her class’s dominant ethos.”
Yet how many people even know her name? Or the names of the countless Stoic women throughout history who raised, supported, taught, encouraged, and sacrificed for their families and their country? Who better illustrates the Stoic virtues of endurance and courage, selflessness and duty, than the generations of anonymous wives and mothers and daughters of Greece and Rome who suffered, who resisted tyranny, who lived and died without ever being recognized for their quiet heroism?
Think of what they put up with, the indignities they tolerated, and the sacrifices they were willing to make.
But that’s sort of the problem. We don’t think about that. We think about Marcus Aurelius. We don’t think about his mother.
As we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend, let us think about just how much mothers matter! Let us think about how they have shaped history as much as, if not more than, the famous Stoics we read and talk about so much. Certainly, they had to put up with being under-appreciated, misunderstood, taken for granted, and deprived of many critical rights. They did all that on top of having to give birth…and knowing that they might well die from it.
The fact that they did this, along with countless other sacrifices and daily obligations, and did so bravely and patiently for so long is proof that they are true Stoics. And not only do they deserve our respect for it—but they have a thing or two to teach everyone else about what focusing only on what you can control really looks like.
