Should you let your kids have screen time when they’re younger? How young is too young for their first phone? What about sugar and processed foods—should you let them indulge from time to time? Should they get an allowance or should you make them get a job? Do they have to clean up after themselves or can the parents pitch in to help? And what about doing their own laundry?
Parenthood often feels like an endless stream of questions. We seek guidance, unsure of the answers. We ask others, and others ask us—teachers, family, fellow parents. We’re bombarded with an endless stream of policy questions: Can they watch R-rated movies? Are you okay with this or that? Is it safe to let them do this or that?
It would be nice if there was a rulebook with all the answers. But by now, you’ve likely realized that such a thing does not exist. Part of becoming confident as a parent is accepting a truth that poet Allen Ginsberg discovered on his own unconventional path. At 28, he was a market researcher contemplating leaving a promising career to become a poet. He shared this thought with his psychologist, who simply replied, “Well, why not?” Ginsberg then asked, “What would the American Psychoanalytic Association say?” And the psychiatrist said, “There’s no party line.”
That’s what you realize as a parent: There is no party line. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer—not for having kids and not for parenting one kid versus the other. As we’ve talked about, every situation, every child, every age is different. You’ll have to figure it out as you go.
But this isn’t about flying blind. It’s about accepting that, at the end of the day, only you can answer these questions. No one else can do it for you.