Why won’t they listen? Why do they do the opposite of what you ask of them?
Are you just wasting your breath?
Parenting can be disheartening like that. You talk, you explain, you repeat yourself—and it seems like nothing is getting through those thick little skulls.
Mary Shelley’s father knew this feeling well. Yes, the same Mary Shelley who began writing Frankenstein (our favorite clothbound edition here) at just eighteen. In a letter, her father reflected on the slow, invisible work of parenting:
Seeds of intellect and knowledge, seeds of moral judgment and conduct, I have sown; but the soil for a long while seemed ungrateful to the tiller’s care. It was not so; the happiest operations were going on quietly and unobserved, and at the moment when it was of the most importance, they unfolded themselves to the delight of every beholder.
We think they’re not listening, they’re not observing—that they don’t appreciate the lessons we’re trying to impart.
And maybe they don’t. Not yet.
But under the surface, something is happening. The seeds are taking root. Our job is to be patient. No matter how impossible it seems, we have to keep sowing and toiling and tilling.
P.S. If you’re thinking about how to be a better father, you’re already in the top 1% of dads.
But even the most thoughtful fathers shouldn’t have to figure it out alone. Daily Dad Society is a community of parents just like you, trading ideas, sitting with the hard questions, and holding each other accountable for the type of parent they want to be. Every month, I join the community live to talk through what’s on our minds and take your questions directly.
If you’re committed to raising good humans, we’d love to have you with us.
