The hunter Steven Rinella, raised by a tough father, has spent his life working outdoors—tracking and hunting in the most inhospitable places. Whatever your thoughts on hunting, any parent would be proud to raise a kid who could survive like Rinella can, let alone master a profession they enjoy.
Rinella (whose book American Buffalo is worth reading) often considers: “There’s a fine line between being practical and being a candyass,” he writes, “which is what my father called someone he considered the opposite of tough. When I’m in the woods and face a risky situation, I ask myself which of these words best defines my decision making.”
As we follow this philosophy of luctor et emergo—letting our kids struggle so they can become tough and independent—this is an important distinction. We want them to be tough, resilient, sturdy. But we want them to be practical also. Being able to survive in difficult, punishing, dangerous scenarios is an admirable asset. To seek out unnecessary danger, needless punishment, or unsolvable adversity…is to squander that asset out of ego or external expectation.
Boys have been renowned through the ages for doing stupid, dangerous things not to test their mettle, but to prove to friends, to girls, often to demanding fathers, how tought they are. Unfortunately, too many boys are also reluctant to do the toughest thing of all—be practical—and go to therapy or ask for help, for fear of looking weak. Too many girls have this problem as well—afraid of expressing weakness or speaking up because they don’t want to look like they can’t handle difficult situations.
We want our kids to be tough…but only as tough as a situation calls for. We want them to be practical too, to use their brains as well as their brawn, their words as well as their will. A happy, healthy, resilient life requires a balance of both.
P.S. Letting our kids struggle isn’t always easy—for us or them. That’s why we created our Luctor et Emergo challenge coin as a reminder not to solve every problem for your children and instead take the time to build the confidence and character they need to overcome life’s challenges.
Grab yours to carry around over at the Daily Dad Store today!
