The problem is not that they’re yelling. The problem is not that they could easily do this for themselves. The problem is not that you’ve already fixed that for them eight times. Or that it’s time for your kids to be asleep anyway. The problem is not the whining. The problem is not the repeated questions.
No, the problem is you.
You decided to try to do two things at once. You decided to try to respond to this email at the breakfast table. You thought you could cook dinner while they did their homework. You thought you could have this conversation with another parent at the park. You thought you could take this call. You thought you could plan this thing real quick.
You tried to do two things at once, and now you’re getting frustrated with them, instead of yourself. That was your mistake. So drop the thing and drop the attitude. Remember what the real priority is. Remember that it can almost certainly wait. Think about the message you’re sending. Think about what you’ll think about this thing later. Think about whether you’ll be glad you got frustrated or pushed them away.
Then act accordingly.
Emotions rarely make stressful situations better. No, they take a bad situation and make it worse. That’s why Seneca said that “delay is the greatest remedy for anger”—and why we created the Pause & Reflect Medallion.
When frustration flares up, when you’re about to say something you might regret, reach into your pocket and grab the Daily Stoic Pause & Reflect Medallion. Allow the physical act of holding it remind you of Seneca’s wisdom and create the delay that can save you from words you can’t take back.
Show your kids that it’s possible to control how you react. Show them that emotions don’t have to control you—or them.
