They don’t want to wait. They don’t want to be the only one not doing something—they don’t want to miss out. They’d rather eat something that tastes good. They don’t want to be bored. They would rather be carried than have to walk. They don’t want to be uncomfortable.

You know what these are—these things you get upset at your kids for complaining and whining about? They are reasonable preferences. They are perfectly understandable feelings.

And they are all the more reasonable when you’re little and impatient and insecure and still figuring out the world. Dr. Becky describes entitlement as “the intolerance of uncomfortable feelings” (if you haven’t read Good Inside, go get it right now—it’s at The Painted Porch. Signed copies are available, too).

Their feelings are reasonable. They’re just struggling a little bit at dealing with them, at understanding how to express them and how seriously to take them. They don’t know, as you know, that they’ll survive this bit of discomfort or awkwardness or boredom. They don’t yet grasp that life isn’t always getting what you want or things going how they want.

So help them learn that. Don’t smack them down or shame them. Talk to them. Help them see. Teach them. Better yet, show them how you deal with it when you have those very same feelings.

P.S. If you’d like to hear more about this topic, Dr. Becky was on The Daily Stoic Podcast recently—we talked about handling big feelings, parental overwhelm, and how to help your kids develop essential life skills. Check it out here: “How to Feel Everything Without Losing Control.”