It’s hard raising kids these days and it’s especially hard raising boys. Boys are not just objectively struggling—data shows they are diagnosed with learning disabilities at a higher rate, are less likely to finish high school, and are five times likely to spend time in juvenile detention—but there is also a toxic debate about what what it means to be a boy and then a man in this world. Progressives and conservatives battle it out over sports, over culture, over education and dating norms, but who does this help?
Not your kid.
No, none of this helps a kid who is just trying to make sense of a confusing world and their confusing body. As Richard Reeves writes in his fascinating book Of Boys and Men (and discussed on the Daily Stoic podcast here),
“Both sides have dug into an ideological position that inhibits real change. Progressives refuse to accept that important gender inequalities can run in both directions, and they quickly label male problems as symptoms of ‘toxic masculinity.’ Conservatives appear more sensitive to the struggles of boys and men but only as a justification for turning back the clock and restoring traditional gender roles. The Left tells men, ‘Be more like your sister.’ The Right says, ‘Be more like your father.’ Neither invocation is helpful. What is needed is a positive vision of masculinity that is compatible with gender equality.”
In the intro of the book, he calls himself a ‘conscientious objector’ in the culture war, which is a great term (and why his book is such an important, non-partisan read). It doesn’t matter what gender your kids are, you have to help them raise above stereotypes, backlash and culture war fights. It’s your job to raise them to be good, to be kind, to be strong, to be respectful and caring of others, to be resilient and curious and grateful. As parents, those labels are the only ones that matter for our kids.
The key is to focus on raising your boys to be good human beings first and foremost, helping them navigate this world with wisdom, strength, and compassion. By staying above the culture wars and focusing on timeless values, we can guide our sons toward becoming the kind of men who make the world better, regardless of what society’s shifting expectations might be.
So let’s focus on raising our boys to be good humans first, ones with wisdom, strength, and timeless values as their foundation. That’s the only way to ensure they grow into men who make a positive impact—no matter how society’s expectations change for them.
P.S. You can watch the full podcast episode with Richard Reeves over at the Daily Stoic YouTube channel (you can also listen on Apple and Spotify) where he discusses how the educational system is failing men and the changing roles and expectations for boys in today’s society.
Over at our YouTube, you can also catch videos like How To Be A Man (Lessons from the Stoics) and What Young Men Get Wrong About Stoicism. Make sure you never miss a video by subscribing to our channel today!
