It hits you the wrong way—the way they don’t ask, they just expect. The way they expect to get what they want, the way they want things you never got when you were a kid. The speed with which they got comfortable with comforts and privileges that are just not normal.

So you recoil. You try to correct. Maybe you even get a little upset.

But as always, Dr. Becky has the perfect explanation for this (if you haven’t read her book Good Inside, go do it right now—we have signed copies at the Painted Porch). “Entitlement,” she says, “is the intolerance of uncomfortable feelings.”

They don’t want to go without. They don’t want to wait. They don’t want to miss out. They don’t want to be made fun of. They don’t want to have to do things the hard way. They don’t want to compromise. The discomfort scares them. And you know what? You were afraid of that when you were a kid and you’re afraid of that now, too!

It’s not our job as parents to give them everything they want. It is our job to help them with these very reasonable feelings. Help them see that the frustration is manageable and so is the discomfort. Help them understand that not everything is fair or easy or quick, but that they (and we) can handle disappointment—and that’s what builds resilience.

P.S. When Dr. Becky Kennedy was on the podcast just a few weeks ago, we talked about why some people become overwhelmed more easily, the difference between understanding and approval, and why repairing a relationship often matters more than handling every moment perfectly.

You can check out our whole conversation on Apple Podcasts here or watch video highlights from the interview here on YouTube.