They Can’t Help It

It’s a remarkable historical what-if. Abraham Lincoln was traveling east to assume the presidency at a pivotal moment. Seven states had seceded to form the Confederacy and America’s future hung in the balance. For weeks, he had been working on his inaugural speech, in which he pleaded with his fellow Americans to keep the Union together—“We must not be enemies,” he’d written, adding that we must be guided by “the better angels of our nature.”

This top secret document that only a handful of people had even seen, one destined for immortality in fact, was quite nearly lost. Lincoln’s teenage son Robert, asked to stay with their baggage, had promptly handed over the leather satchel it was in, among other suitcases, to a hotel clerk in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Lincoln, who had long strived to be a patient, loving father (​unlike his own​), was stunned. Are you kidding me? Lincoln’s father would have almost certainly struck his son for even a much less serious offense. The traveling party watched as the normally implacable Lincoln leaped over the counter and began to furiously go through the bags until he found it.

Thankfully, Lincoln was able to ​break the pattern of his own upbringing.​ What his son had done was incredibly stupid, but this shouldn’t surprise anyone…because teenagers are stupid. (And honestly, the real boneheaded move was giving something so important to a kid in the first place) What 17-year-old could comprehend the stakes of that speech? Could have understood what hung in the balance? He was probably distracted by a girl or the smell of food down the street. He wasn’t thinking about the consequences of his decision because his brain was still developing the capacity to do that.

We have to remember that no matter how high the stakes may feel—and let’s be honest, they’re rarely as high as Lincoln’s were—our kids are just being kids. And that they are still kids! They’re going to make mistakes, sometimes frustrating, sometimes even maddening, even expensive mistakes. But like Lincoln, we have to give them the time, space, and, most importantly, the patience to grow and learn. We have to control our temper. Their brains are still developing, their understanding of the world still forming. Of course they’re going to stumble and do inexplicable things (didn’t you as a kid?), but it’s through those stumbles that they eventually find their footing. Our job is to guide them through those stumbles with kindness, not perfection, and to remember that every mistake is part of the journey.

—This newsletter is sponsored by Harbor

Harbor is on a mission to create happier parents, and healthier families, one restful night at a time. After an app-based baby monitor failed CEO and Co-Founder, Kevin Lavelle, he set out on a mission to create a more reliable alternative.

Recently named in Wired’s 7 Best Baby Monitors, Harbor restores your sleep and sanity through their revolutionary baby monitoring system that includes a Camera, 10” Dedicated Monitor, Mobile and Desktop App.

Harbor connects securely to your home WiFi and works with and without the internet in case of a lost connection, ensuring continuous monitoring of your child. Through end-to-end encryption and on-device storage (not in a third-party cloud) Harbor has unparalleled security.

Secure yours at harbor.co.

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