Why are they acting this way? Why are they hitting their sister? Why are they whining? Why are their grades dropping? Why are they being so difficult?

The answer is that they don’t know. They have no idea why. They are kids.

This is all new to them…and that’s the timeless part about being a kid. As Aeschylus has the chorus say in his famous play, The Libation Bearers (copies available here):

A child in the cradle can’t explain what troubles it
Whether it wants to eat, to drink, or to make water,
A baby’s insides take no orders; it’s too young.

It’s not just babies, but toddlers and teenagers, too. They are dealing with new feelings, new issues, new powers, near unknowns. They can’t articulate yet what this means or where it comes from because they are still learning, as you yourself were learning at that age what it means to be hangry or depressed, to be pumped full of hormones or coming down with something.

You couldn’t explain it then…but now you can. So help them. Help them see what’s happening. Help them solve the problem. Help them understand themselves.