It’s a basic human need. It’s something that everyone wants, that everyone deserves. It is, you could argue, the root cause and motivation of nearly everything people do.
As The Red Clay Strays sing,
Can you tell me I’m worthy or important
Am I workin’ hard enough?
Oh, I just wanna be loved
I just wanna be loved
We want it. We need it. And when we don’t get it from our parents? Well, we try to get it from something or someone else. From the attention of strangers, from money or power, from cults or toxic romantic partners, from drugs or acting out—your kids will find some way to feel validated or seen. They will seek to fill the void that your disapproval, your reserve, your self-absorption created in them. If you make conditional what should be unconditional, if you fail to love them—and to make them feel loved—they will find a way to get it from someone who will.
The thing is that you do love them. A lot! So let them know. Let them feel it and understand that they are worthy of it, no matter what. That your love for them is unconditional and unlimited.
P.S. If you want to get better at your most important job—being a parent—you need a community that has your back.
That’s Daily Dad Society.
A group of dads, coming together to talk about the challenges of parenthood, celebrate wins, share advice, and support each other. And each month, they meet on a live call with Ryan Holiday, to discuss all of it in real time.
Join us at dailydad.com/society.
