Your kids ask a lot of you. They’re expensive. They’re exhausting. They expect a lot. Car rides and family trips. Soccer games and college tuition. Another glass of water before bed. A new bike. Another story. They ask and ask and ask.
But underneath it all, they really crave one thing. They really just want one thing from you—they want you to be proud of them. To approve of them. To believe in them.
The actor Alfred Molina is about as accomplished as they come. He’s been in big movies and prize-winning ones, great plays and great shows. Yet even at age 71, he still tears up, thinking that he let his dad down.
His dad just didn’t get the whole acting thing. When his son told him he wanted to walk away from what his dad thought was a good job to pursue the arts, he was stunned. Molina’s dad—who was a waiter, not a senator, it’s worth pointing out—was like many parents with doubts or fears, he just couldn’t bring himself to encourage his son. “He stared at me like he didn’t recognize me,” Molina recounts with raw emotion even 40-plus years later. “The only thing I could say to him was, ‘This is what I love, Dad.’ He never quite got it. I did disappoint my dad. Yeah. If my dad had lived a little longer, he’d hopefully would have realized I hadn’t wasted my time.”
Here’s the thing: They’re going to do it anyway. No amount of criticism was going to change Alfred’s mind. So why didn’t the father just root for his son? There’s no guarantee your kids will succeed in their crazy dreams, but you know what makes it even less likely? Carrying the weight of your disapproval. You know what makes it more likely that they’ll get into trouble? Doing it alone! You’re worried about them? Ok! Tell them they can always come home, that they can call you and ask for help anytime.
That’s how you prevent them from ruining their life…by not adding to the chorus of doubters.
