As we said, kids are expensive. They ask a lot of us financially and emotionally. They take a lot of time. They challenge us.
Kids make us accept things. They make us face things. They also ask us to endure things—their school plays, baseball games in the summer heat, terrible music, and silly TV shows. They ask us to support crazy dreams. They do dangerous things that we have to sit back and survive—despite all the anxiety it causes us.
We’ve been talking about Alfred Molina recently, whose father just could not accept that his son wanted to be an actor. His father had a conventional job. He wanted his son to be safe. He didn’t think you could make a living in the arts—so he withheld his approval, hoping his son would change his mind. Thankfully, Alfred did not and went on to be one of the great actors of his generation. Meanwhile, as we said in a recent email, his father followed from afar, collecting press clippings but never letting his son know how proud he was.
We cannot do this to our children. You can watch the video of how this experience is still affecting Molina decades later, how he still wrestles with the idea of disappointing his father. Yet beautifully, he describes what he learned from it, how it changed him as a father with his own family. “I’ve always tried with my kids, my daughter and my stepsons, and I have a stepdaughter now…” he says, breaking off. “All you can do is tell them how brilliant you are. That’s all you need to do.”
Tell your kids. Tell them before it’s too late. You have to do so much for them, but this should be one of the easiest things. Root for them. Reflect back to them how wonderful and unique and talented they are. Tell them they are brilliant, that you believe in them, that you’ll be there for them–whether they succeed or not.
They deserve it.
We think this idea—that you have to be your kids’ biggest supporter—is so important that in The Daily Dad book, the entire month of August is on the theme. The month of August in The Daily Dad: 366 Meditations on Parenting, Love, and Raising Great Kids is titled, “Always Be A Fan”—it is, as we’ve said, the greatest gift you can give your kids.
