This Is What Completeness Comes From

You feared this. You feared settling down. You feared becoming one of those parents.

Would you lose your edge? Would your career take a hit? Would you get a dad-bod? Would you be bored?

The answer, it turns out, to most of this is yes. You have softened a little—in all the ways. You have a new perspective on your career. And yes, sometimes being a parent is boring, but as the Gang of Youths song reminds us, “It’s boring but in the most exquisite of ways.” Gone, they remind us, is the “carcinogenic and humdrum malaise,” and in its place is laughter and love and joy that you could not possibly have anticipated or even conceived. “It’s strange, all the things that I’ve run from,” the lyrics continue, “Are the things that completeness could come from.”

Parenting, we’ve said, is not about those exciting moments of quality time. Nor, it turns out, is life supposed to be moments of accomplishments or conquest or hedonic pleasure. No, it’s watching stupid videos with your 6-year-old. It’s playing peek-a-boy with your infant. It’s inside jokes and pranks. It’s pulling into the McDonald’s drive thru and stealing some of their fries before you hand them the order in the backseat. It’s hearing them walk through the front door, on a trip home from their first year of college. It’s when they first tell you about someone special whom they love. It’s the first Thanksgiving they hosted as a family.

This is completeness. This is the best thing ever. This thing you feared. This thing you judged. This thing you could not have even begun to understand.

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