The secret to happiness, Epictetus said, was to not to wish for things to happen a certain way but for them to happen the way they will. Another formula for the Stoics was to focus on what you already have instead of what you hope to get.

What does this have to do with parenting?

Well as we talked about recently, someday in the future you’re going to miss this moment you have right now. Certainly in the distant future, when your kids are older and grown up, you’d give so much for a few more minutes of them as a cute little kid. But instead of feeling that gratitude, instead of luxuriating in what you have right now, what are we doing? We’re neglecting it now…even though we’re going to pine for it later.

How crazy is that? You have, right now, what your future self desires. You have right now what your spouse may well be crying about not having in a few months or years. So stop wishing for something else, stop hoping for what you already have. Focus on what’s right in front of you. Focus on what is here, now, while you still have it.

That is the secret to happiness.