This Is What You’ll Have To Manage

Now obviously Rudyard Kipling was writing “If” to his son. It’s one of the most beautiful messages a parent has ever put down for their child, but it’s also clear that as much as “If” was written to 12-year-old Jack, he opening stanza is a message to parents just as much.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

Because isn’t this exactly what parenting demands of us? To keep our cool when chaos reigns. To trust our instincts even when our kids get angry or a family member objects. To be patient in the face of endless waiting, resilient in the face of frustration, and to hold ourselves to the highest standard, even when no one else seems to.

It’s a high bar, to be sure. But that’s what makes the poem timeless. It’s not just advice for children; it’s a call to action for anyone who dares to guide and nurture another life. It’s a reminder that, as parents, our example speaks louder than our words. And if we can live up to those ideals—if we can be the person Kipling describes—then maybe, just maybe, we can raise someone who will, too.

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