Why aren’t they listening? Why are they so loud? Why do they make such a huge mess? Why did they slam the door? Why did they hit their brother? Why did they not do their homework? And why did they lie about it after? Why are they so moody? Why are they so lazy?

Why are they like this?

The answer should be obvious: They are like this because they are kids!

It’s their job to be this way. This is what kids do. They are loud. They are messy. They don’t listen. They are moody. They make mistakes. They test boundaries. They challenge parents. They lay around. They do the stuff that kids do and always have done and always will do.

What’s less natural is how surprised we seem to be by all this—why we are so quick to take it personally or to pathologize it. There is nothing abnormal about your kid. Again, they are a kid. They are doing their job.

Now you—you need to do yours. Which is to love and accept and support and teach. Which is to give them space, give them encouragement, give them a model for what it looks like to deal with frustration (even if, perhaps especially if, that frustration is being caused by them!).