They didn’t want their son to be sad. They didn’t know how to have the conversation. They didn’t want to deliver the news until they were sure he was ready.

So what Andy Kaufman’s parents did was lie. They told their five-year-old, sensitive son that the grandfather whom he loved more than anyone or anything in the world had left to “travel.” In fact, he had tragically passed away.

They thought they were sparing Andy some grief. They thought they were sparing him (and themselves) a tough conversation about death. But what they did was put an even heavier and harder burden on him: Why had his grandfather left without saying goodbye?

“This is where it all starts. There’d be no Andy Kaufman, if it wasn’t for this,” Kaufman’s best friend would explain. “And think of the pain of that, okay? The pain of rejection, embarrassment, rejection! This is the magic ingredient that happened as a youth. And at that point, that little boy then just gets closeted in his room.”

We have to respect our kids’ feelings enough to be truthful with them, even if the truth is difficult. Especially if the truth is difficult. As parents, it’s our job to help them navigate these hard parts of life, not actively avoid them. Building resilience and processing emotions are important skills. If you lie about the tough stuff, you also prevent your kids from preparing themselves for the challenges they will inevitably face in life.

P.S. Letting our kids struggle and receive their share of rain isn’t always easy—for us or them. That’s why we created our Luctor et Emergo medallion (meaning “I struggle and emerge”) as a reminder not to solve every problem for your children and instead take the time to build the confidence and character they need to overcome life’s challenges. Grab yours to carry around today!