They seemed like they lived in their own world. They were so big, so strong. They were closed off to us. They were controlled by moods and forces we didn’t understand.

When we were kids, many of our parents were quite far away from us. It’s just how it was then, especially for fathers. There was a distance, physical and emotional, that could not be bridged.

But you know what? It doesn’t have to be that way.

Dwayne Wade grew up with a father who had served in the military. He was from another generation and he’d had a hard life. He was also, quite rightfully, worried about his kids’ safety in a dangerous neighborhood. So there was a reserve there, always. But as Wade grew up and had his own family, he tried to do better than his father. “Me, I’m kissing you on the forehead,” Wade explained of his conscious effort to be more emotionally vulnerable and expressive with his kids. “I’m coming in there, I’m tucking you in at night. I’m coming off the road at three in the morning. I’m coming in to show you love.”

We can give our kids the closeness we didn’t get. We can close that physical and emotional distance and be more present, more vulnerable, more loving. We can remember what it was like for us as kids—what we might have missed out on—and then bridge that gap for them.