They’re different. They are like you in so many ways but they are also so, so, different.

They eat things you can’t stand. They love to watch things you don’t understand. They like music that sounds terrible to you. They like clothes that make no sense to you.

And you, if you’re doing it right, learn to understand that this is not something you need to understand. It’s their taste. It’s their life. One of your kids loves ketchup and the other hates it. It’s not that complicated, neither of them are wrong about this.

Yet even parents who can get here (and it’s not always easy) struggle to understand that this logic extends—to what your kid picks for a major, to where they choose to live, to who your kids love. Whether they want to have kids themselves. These might be more substantial life choices but again, they are not your life choices.

So why are you torturing yourself and them about it? They’re gay—so what? That’s who they are. Or they are not gay but they are averse to ketchup (or the music you like or your politics or this or that). Again, not for you to have an opinion about. What is it to you anyway?

It doesn’t change your job because your job is to love them. It’s your job to remember who likes what on their plate and who likes who at school or what happened at recess yesterday. You don’t have to understand it, but you do have to accept it…and you always have to love them.