You expected this to be easier, perhaps. Or at least not so damn hard. You expected them to listen at least some of the time. You didn’t expect them to be so loud. You didn’t expect them to require so many trips to the doctor, for school to be so involved, for them to sleep so little.

You had an expectation and then you met reality. Welcome to being a parent.

The problem, we have to remember, is not them. The problem was us. The problem was our expectations—which were never realistic, which were, in retrospect, based on basically nothing but wishful thinking.

Our kids are not giving us a hard time. Our kids are not extra difficult. Our kids are kids. And kids are difficult! As we’ve said before, kids are loud. Kids are messy. Kids make dumb decisions. Kids test boundaries. Kids break stuff. Kids hurt themselves…and their siblings and they headbutt their parents. Kids have half-formed brains and limitless needs. Kids are developing their consciences. Kids are figuring out how the world works.

How is that going to be easy to live with or make sense? Of course it was going to be crazy. Of course it’s going to stay crazy. That’s the only reasonable expectation you could possibly have.