We get on them for things. We criticize them. We worry about this and that.
Why?
Because on some level, we recognize those things in ourselves. It’s both classic projection and legitimate concern. We know what it costs us to procrastinate. We wish we’d worked a little harder. We feel bad about our own weight. We carry shame from things our parents harped on.
It’s understandable…but still terrible. Churchill’s father—who we’ve talked about here many times—was essentially an emotionally abusive and neglectful man. His presence hung over Churchill like a ghost (as opposed, as we say in The Daily Dad book, to an ancestor who inspired and guided). In a famous dream that Churchill writes about, his father visited him. In that dream, Randolph Churchill said perhaps the only self-aware thing he’d ever said in his life, and it’s worth putting here as a reminder to all us parents today.
“Old people are always very impatient with young ones. Fathers always expect their sons to have their virtues without their faults.”
We can’t do this to them! We have to slow down. We can’t expect them to have magically won battles that we ourselves are still fighting. They are just like us—with our flaws and many of their own. We should support them, help them, and empathize with them. That’s the only way they’ll overcome these vices…that’s the only way they’ll be able to do better than we have.
P.S. For more guidance on being a better parent and breaking free from the patterns of the past, pick up a copy of The Daily Dad book. Each daily meditation will give you practical advice and encouraging anecdotes on how to become more present, more thoughtful, and more intentional in your parenting journey.
You can also grab our premium leatherbound edition of The Daily Dad—an heirloom-quality volume designed to be passed down in your family for generations to come.
