It’s mind blowing when you read the stories about it. The father who doesn’t fully accept their child because they’re illegitimate (Da Vinci’s father did this). The parent that expects the impossible from their children (​Gandhi was guilty of this​). The family that rejected their child because they are gay (​we told the story of the Hollonzine family here​). The parents who disowned their daughter for getting pregnant. The parent who feels it’s their place to judge their children’s career or professional choices…at the cost of the child’s self-esteem and the relationship (​as Alfred Molina’s father did​).

What is wrong with these people?

It’s a complicated answer, but instead of judging and condemning—the wrongness of these parents is obvious enough—why don’t we instead think about where we are guilty of thrusting our own children away? Because we all do it, whether we realize it or not.

The way we choose a tidy house over a peaceful one. The way we choose criticism over encouragement. The way we choose condemnation over curiosity. The naturalness with which we try to make them like us instead of ​helping them become who they are.​ The way we let politics or taste get between us and the people we love.

Whether these breaks are permanent (as some of the above examples sadly were) or are more minor and temporary (as our own often are), it’s still the same thing. It creates distance. It sends the wrong message. It pushes away the people we want to be closest to…and to what end?

It’s not going to change their sexuality. You don’t actually care about how the shoes are lined up next to the door. You’re going to feel bad that you were so hard on them. It’s their life, their job.

So love them. Support them. Accept them. Everything is secondary to that.