You worry because you love them. That’s what’s so hard about being a parent, as we’ve said—it’s like having your heart running around outside your body. So yeah, you’re anxious a lot. You’re anxious that they could get hurt, that they could go down the wrong path, that they might need something.

It’s reasonable that you worry. It’s good that you worry (certainly your 6-year-old and your 16-year-old are not nearly conscious or careful enough). But it’s worth saying here today that worry is not love.

Or rather, it does not count as a loving action. Love is encouragement. Love is support. Love is appreciation. Love is presence. Love is connection. Love is sitting down and eating dinner.

Love is not stressing them out. Love is not holding them so close that nothing bad can ever happen to them. Love is not guilt or biting your nails. Love is not calling them fifteen times a day or micromanaging their life. Love is not interfering and controlling.

Your worry is your problem. It is not a weight you get to put on them to make yourself feel better. What they need from you is not your worry. It’s your love and all actual loving actions.