Think back to that time you lost your cool with your kids. That time you yelled or cursed. Or threatened some excessive punishment.
Did it make things better? Did it accomplish anything worthwhile? Are you proud of that? Would you do it again if you had another chance?
Of course not. Almost nothing good ever comes from losing your temper, and there is nothing good about losing it at your kids. You never feel good about yourself after giving in to anger. You always feel small, ashamed, regretful.
If only you could go back. If only you could undo the thing you said, the look on their face, the nagging memory they have of that time you snapped at them, when you betrayed their trust, made them feel unsafe. But you can’t go back. None of us can. What we can do is work to make sure it happens less and less
Just as Mr. Rogers talked to generations of children about “what to do with the mad you feel,” we parents have to learn what to do with ours. We need insertion points. We need pauses. We need to catch ourselves before doing or saying something we’ll inevitably come to regret.
Which is why, over at Daily Stoic, we created the Pause & Reflect Medallion, a small reminder to carry in your pocket, hold in your hand, and remember, I have never once lost my temper and felt good about it afterwards.
We know that between every stimulus and its response, between every circumstance and its consequences, there is a space. It is a brief space, to be sure, but one with enough room to pause and reflect on what to do with the mad, anger, or frustration you feel.
One side of the Daily Stoic Pause & Reflect Medallion reads DELAY IS THE REMEDY, a nod to Seneca’s line, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.” That’s encircled by the 24 letters of the alphabet, inspired by what the Stoic Athenodorus told the emperor Augustus: “Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, Caesar, don’t say or do anything until you’ve repeated the twenty-four letters of the alphabet to yourself.”
The reverse side is a polished, mirror-like surface, inspired by Seneca’s suggestion to look at oneself when gripped by anger—not only because the sight of our own unflattering reflection can be jarring enough to prevent an unflattering response, but also because “whoever comes to a mirror to change himself has already changed.” Around the mirror, it says, Pausa et Reflecte, Latin for pause and reflect.
Handcrafted from high-quality metal by a mint operating since 1882, this medallion is designed to be both meaningful and durable—just like the relationships with your children that it helps protect.
Because a moment of reflection can save you from a lifetime of “I wish I hadn’t “or needing to say “I’m sorry” after.
Stop paying the price of giving in to emotions. Start choosing connection over control in your relationships.
Head to dailystoic.com/pause to grab your medallion today!
