You saw it and you took care of it. Dishes in the sink. Laundry in the pile. Your partner was tired, so you took the kids. Dinner was coming up and you made all the decisions. A birthday was coming up and you planned it.
Great! You did it!
But now you want an award? You want a parade?
Praise is always nice, but it’s sort of pathetic how desperately we want it…for doing our job. We’ve been quoting recently from that Paris Paloma song where she talks about how all she wants is for her partner to try so she can thank them, hoping that thanking them will spur them to try some more.
Ugh.
In Meditations (our fav translation available here at store.dailystoic.com), Marcus Aurelius refers to this as ‘wanting the third thing.’ You did something good. Your family benefited. Isn’t that enough? It should be.
You noticed what needed to be done and you did it. You made someone’s day easier. You took something off your partner’s plate. You showed up for your family.
That’s the reward.
You don’t also need applause for it.
P.S. If you want to read more about how you can better divide household tasks between yourself and your partner, there’s a fantastic book by Eve Rodsky that I highly recommend: Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do. It features 4 easy-to-follow rules to help you prioritize tasks and reduce anxiety. You can grab a copy here from The Painted Porch (visit thepaintedporch.com).
