Our homes are our sanctuaries. They’re our place to unwind and spend time with our families. Our place to live and eat and be ourselves. A physical testament to our success and hard-earned money.

When it comes to furnishing it, maybe you’re a West Elm type. Maybe you’re a Design Within Reach person or a Restoration Hardware devotee. Maybe you pride yourself on an eclectic mix of vintage pieces. Maybe you’re an Ikea-furniture type, or you take hand-me-downs or find things on Facebook Marketplace.

But wherever your stuff comes from, however much you like or paid for it, here’s what you have to understand: Things are going to get destroyed. You have kids. It’s what they do. That dream dining table and chairs? Yes, it looks perfect. Not for long. Cue the spills. Cue the stains. Cue the inevitable dents and scratches from clumsily wielded toys and sports equipment.

We’ve been talking about a recent New York Times article in which the writer buys an elegant sofa she’s had her eye on. But for life with two teens, cats, and a huge dog, the sofa doesn’t work—and ends up breaking under their combined weight. The writer asks herself “What would it look like to shelve my ambitions and instead meet my family where we were?” A huge, durable Costco couch is her answer. And it’s a perfect family couch. “It’s a tool for living,” she writes, “a purely functional entity…There is liberation in furniture that needs no protection.”

Your job isn’t to have a flawless, spotless, and stylish home. Your job is to raise your kids. The job of the furniture is to give them a place to sit, to do their homework, to hang out with their parents and siblings, to throw their clothes over, to eat their snacks.

Free yourself from the notion that you need to keep it all perfect. Stop stressing about style. It doesn’t matter right now. Enjoy your home and your family life. Be present and make sure your stuff supports that.