You Must Forgive

Our kids are going to screw up. Not just in the sense that they’re going to knock over lamps or forget their lunch at school. Our kids are going to get sent home from school for fighting. They’re going to get caught cheating on a test. They’re going to call you one day because they cheated on their spouse and are letting you know they’re getting a divorce.

This is what humans do. They screw up. They follow stupid impulses. They get carried away. They try to get away with stuff. They break laws, make bad decisions, do bad things. And inevitably, invariably, they face consequences for this.

How will we, as parents, respond? We must respond with love and patience. With grace. Even if we taught them better. Even if we gave them advice that would have prevented it. “I forgive you,” Gandhi telegraphed to his son when his son informed him of an affair. “Ask God to forgive you.” As we’ve said before, Gandhi was often too hard on his boys—​expecting from them the impossible standards he expected of himself​—but in this instance he got it right.

We are not the judges of our kids. Especially when they have grown.

​Our job is not to shame and punish them​. Our job is to help them through life, even if that life is currently a mess of their own making. Our job is to make them feel loved, to let them know that it doesn’t change how we see them, and that if they need something from us, we are always there. But most of all, our job is to forgive—​to give them grace​, as much grace as they need.


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