You wish they would be a bit more interested in things. You wish they’d want to ​spend more time with you​. You wish they would be sweet and affectionate. You wish they’d let you in. You wish they’d ask for advice.

Here’s the thing: They will…and they do.

It’s just not always when you expect and certainly not when it’s convenient. Your kids are asking you questions…but it’s right before bed. They’re asking to spend time with you…only it’s in the form of driving them across town. They do want to have fun…it just means jumping (as we’ve talked about) ​in the freezing cold swimming pool and getting your hair wet​ (or getting your shoes muddy or messing up your clothes). They are interested…but it comes off as more of a challenge than you hoped, or it’s more tentative than you thought. They do trust you…it just comes off as misbehavior (as we’ve said, ​that’s because they feel safe​). They do love you…they just whine a lot.

So you miss it. Or worse, you turn it down. The thing you say you want, the connection you crave. It’s there. Just not always when you want it…or how you want it. You’re going to need to be more open. You’re going to need to be flexible. You’re not always going to get what you want when you choose it…but you can always choose to take what you can get as a parent…because it’s all there is.

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