It can sometimes be helpful to sit back and really think about what parental success looks like.

Is it raising kids who succeed in school? Or succeed in their careers? Is it raising kids who follow instructions? Or who are neat and tidy and polite? These things are nice, but in the big scheme of things, that’s probably not what we should be aiming for.

Ok, so what should we focus on?

First, of course, it’s having healthy kids—that’s obvious. Obviously we have to help them survive.

But second, when you flash way forward into the future, imagining your and their lives many years from now, what do you hope to see? Almost certainly it’s something close to the idea captured in that beautiful phrase in the title of The Highwomen’s hit, Crowded Table. That is to say, all of you together. Getting along. Spending time enjoying each other. At Thanksgiving. On birthdays. At some summer house on the beach you all rent as a family. That is, having kids whom you get to see, whom you have a good relationship with, whom you want to spend time with…and they want to spend time with you…for the rest of your and their days.

This doesn’t just happen. You don’t get a table full of smiling faces for every holiday, every milestone event, just becauseyou’re related. A crowded table is a lagging indicator of the job you’ve done as a parent. And it starts early (or it starts now, if you realize there’s something you need to repair).

If you want a garden, the song reminds us, you’re going to have to sow the seeds.

To do this, you’ll need to cultivate good relationships with your kids and nurture their development. You’ll need to listen to them, to be the kind of parent who is there for them, who helps guide them through all the things life inevitably throws at us—so that they become good adults.

You’ll need to make the right decisions now so that someday they’ll want to make the decision to fly from their homes to yours when they’re older and have families of their own. Or they’ll be willing to (and not feel obligated) to invite you to theirs. To get that, you’ll have to plant a little happiness, give a little love, if that’s what you want to reap.

Set the table today to have the one you’ll want tomorrow.

You may remember this idea from the November 9 entry in The Daily Dad book (our premium leatherbound edition—perfect for gift-giving—available here).

If this theme resonates with you and you’re interested in a structured path to becoming the parent you aspire to be, check out our brand-new, leatherbound Daily Dad Five Year Reflection Journal, now available for preorder. It brings the transformative practice of journaling to modern parenthood. We’re really excited to finally be able to bring a limited run of this special journal to you, our Daily Dad readers.

Here’s how the journal works: each day presents a single, thoughtful question about parenthood, family, and what matters most. You’ll write a brief response—just a sentence or two—in the first of five entry slots. Next year on the same date, you’ll answer the same question in the second slot. By year five, you’ll have a remarkable record of growth, change, and continuity.

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