It breaks your heart. The divorce. The separation. The deployment overseas. Their first year of college. The estrangement or the silent treatment. The time you have to spend on the road for work. How they had to go ahead with your spouse and get settled into the new house while you stayed back to tie up loose ends before the move.
Nobody likes being away from their kids. Not for any extended period of time anyway. It feels like a piece of you is missing. It’s an injustice. It’s a hardship.
But you know what it also is? It’s a part of life. “You are not alone in being separated from your children,” the tutor tries to tell Medea in Euripides’ famous play. Medea’s husband Jason has just left her for another woman, despite Medea having had his children, betrayed her father for him, and moved to a new city after their marriage. Part of being a human being, the friend consoles her, is “bearing adversity with a patient heart.”
Of course, anyone who has read or seen the play knows that (tragically, terribly) Medea is not able to do that. She lashes out. She overreacts. She does something that cannot be undone.
That’s not the message of today’s email.
The message is that you’re not alone. The pain you feel is a timeless pain, a common pain. It’s the pain that immigrant families have felt (and feel). It’s the pain that empty-nesters feel. It’s the pain that families going through a split feel. It’s the pain that deployed service members and their families feel.
You’re going to have to find a way to bear this…or it will break you. You’re going to have to find a way to be patient. You’re going to have to find a way to focus on solutions, not your anger or your fear. You can find a way to connect with others, people who have been through this, too—or are going through it—because again, you’re not alone.
If you’re thinking about how to be a better father, you’re already in the top 1% of dads. But even the most thoughtful fathers shouldn’t have to figure it out alone.
Daily Dad Society exists to change that.
Our supportive community of dads shares ideas, reflects on the challenges of parenthood, and connects through real conversations during a live monthly call with Ryan Holiday. If you’re committed to raising good humans and growing alongside them, we’d love to have you join us.
Learn more and sign up now at dailydad.com/society.
