Look, if they’re not little anymore, if they’re more or less on their own, if it’s not about money or some real and urgent threat to their health (like addiction), you’re probably wrong.
If you’re arguing or fighting with your kids about something, you’re wrong, ok?
Maybe not about the specifics of the issue (although again, probably), but for even making it an issue in the first place.
We’ve talked before about the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and one of the things most of the parents in that book have in common is how they make everything about them. We’ve also talked about the tragedy of parents who, for whatever reason, choose religious or political or cultural beliefs over connection with their children. We’ve talked about the Stoic idea of remembering that you don’t have to have an opinion about everything, that nothing and nobody (children especially) is asking to be judged by you.
So step back. Consider their perspective. Consider letting things go. Apologize. Reach back out. Try to repair. Remember what’s actually important. Remember that success as a parent is raising independent adults who make their own decisions.
Well…this is that.
Check yourself before you wreck anything else.
P.S. To help you check yourself in those moments, you can reach into your pocket and grab the Daily Stoic Pause & Reflect Medallion. When that familiar heat rises in your chest and harsh words form on your tongue, reaching for this medallion creates a crucial moment of self-awareness. The weight in your palm becomes a physical reminder of the weight your reactions and judgments place on your children.
What face do they see when you lose control? What voice echoes in their memory when you argue?
The Pause & Reflect Medallion invites you to see yourself through their eyes before starting an argument: Pause. Think. Reflect. Because delay is the remedy.
Remember—your children need your guidance, not your yelling. Your connection with them matters more than temporary control.
Head to dailystoic.com/pause to get your Pause & Reflect Medallion today and give yourself the gift of that precious pause before your words and actions.
