There’s a story about Queen Elizabeth, told in ​Discipline is Destiny​. After a long day of travel with her late husband, Prince Philip, the Queen found him worked up and in an argument with someone who was organizing an event.

The Queen, knowing her husband was tired and wanting to spare him an incident he might regret, caught her husband’s attention and pointed out the display in front of them. “Look at the pottery,” she said calmly and slowly. Shaken out of his fit, Philip stopped and looked, bringing himself back to a state of royal dignity. Later, a politician who had overheard the exchange, would walk over to the scene where it had occurred. He was only half surprised to find there had never been any pottery at all.

What wouldn’t have worked in that situation with Prince Philip was the Queen coming over and telling him to get control of himself. It wouldn’t have helped for her to come in and pile on ​or take over the situation​ either. He was stuck in a loop, and she helped pull him out.

While it’s not our job to parent our spouses, this was a wonderful example of fantastic parent energy. When our kids are upset, we can help them with a simple redirect, an interruption, a distraction, we can give them an off-ramp. We can provide calming energy as opposed to amping things up, ​to adding more tension or stress​ to a situation by reprimanding them or telling them to shape up. We can give them a chance to grab back hold of themselves, come back to their lovely, calm and kind selves. And you know what, we can help our spouses do this when they find themselves in one of those cycles with our kids too (and they can do the same for us).

P.S. “Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power,” Seneca said. If you’re looking to gain a little more temperance, for both your sake and your family’s sake, check out Ryan Holiday’s ​Discipline is Destiny​. Developing a practice of discipline not only makes it more likely you’ll be successful, it ensures that whatever happens, you are great, both for yourself and those around you. ​Grab a copy today​!